My preteen and teen years were plagued by addiction and abandonment, and subsequently neglect. When my basic needs in life were left unmet, by those I relied on, it's no surprise the extra things (like healthcare) would be too. We went weeks, sometimes months, without food, electric, and water. So needless to say, dental, optometrist, or physical appointments were not a luxury we were afforded.
In the nineties our public elementary school performed regular vision checks as well as provided weekly flouride treatments. Which I may or may not be able to accredit to my strong healthy teeth. However, it was the vision exams that proved more beneficial to me.
In fourth grade, I failed the visual acuity test from our school nurse. Which prompted my first eye doctor visit. Followed by my first set of prescription eyeglasses. I'm not sure what my rx was at that point, but the doctor did write me a letter to be moved to the front on the class, until my new glasses arrived.
That first pair was followed by another, two years later. A few months after that, my mom moved out and left us. Soon after my glasses were somehow misplaced, along with the life we once knew. I spent the next five years of my life trying to navigate life, visually impaired.
At fifteen when I found myself pregnant, the medical card allowed me to obtain the healthcare I'd been in desperate need of. I saved up from my job at the nursing home, and scheduled my first contact lens appointment. I remember walking outside of the office, and being able to see leaves on the trees for the first time in my teenage life. Driving back home, I could see road signs. When I went to school, I could see my friends faces in detail. I could read the chalkboard. I no longer had to copy from a neighbors notes. I didn't have to be the class clown any longer, like eighth grade Jeni, who used my personality to overcompensate for my lack of sight. I was seeing for the very first time, a world I hadn't before.
Ironically, I ended up working for an Optometrist a few years later. Where I've spent the last twenty one years of my life. It was there I realized how horrible my un corrected visual acuities really had been. By the time I got my first pair of contacts at fifteen, my prescription was -650. Which means, what a normal sighted person could see at 400-600 ft away was only visible at 20 ft to me.
Lord only knows what I didn't see all of those years, still not sure if it was a blessing or a curse. What I do know, is that as much as my sight was deprived, my soul was too. Navigating life half blind, is alot like trying to survive and overcome trauma. It forvever changes your vision. When you finally are miraculously given clarity, through contact lenses or through Christ, you are able to have empathy on another's journey. It's not like putting on someone else's glasses expecting to see clearly. It's understanding and appreciating we all see the world through a different lens.
My eyes may have seen and unseen many things, but my soul has felt all of it. I'm thankful for the clarity and wisdom I have because of life's challenges whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Because of it, my eyes are opened to the beauty and pain of another's soul. Not everyone has the gift of sight (or insight). It is a gift. One I've earned and one I cherish.
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