Military Momma

My friends son recently left for basic training for the Army National Guard. While exchanging texts, she said "I don't know how you did this! You are one strong woman!"  I have been pondering that statement ever since, and felt the timing was right to share my experience as a military momma with all of you.

My daughter came to me when she was fifteen and said she wanted to join the military. Still not sure if she wanted to run away from this overbearing mother or felt the calling to serve...haha. Regardless, our family has a rich history in doing so and we felt it was an honorable life choice. I immediately started researching and reaching out to all of my living family members and childhood friends who have answered that call. I had her study and write a report of pros and cons of each branch for herself. After a very gracious veteran friend who worked on base, provided a way for her to job shadow, she decided the United Air Force was for her.

We then met with a recruiter and allowed her to enlist at 17.  This allowed her little siblings to be a part of her journey. Whatever she did, our whole family joined in. I am still not sure why this was, but she literally had seven public swear ins. I guess it was Gods way of making sure she was most definitely making the right choice...over and over again. And with each swear in we grew more proud.

When time came for her to leave for basic training, I felt I had prepared myself as a mom as much as I possibly could. I didn't realize nothing in the world could prepare you for letting your child go. I know it's a right of passage for every parent, but it isn't the same as them going away for college and visiting home often. When your child enlists, what was yours, becomes property of the United States government. Your time making memories with them under your roof are gone forever. Although your child is still living, you grieve that missing part of you every moment.

Waiting on the first phone call was grueling. Thankfully, we received it within 24 hours, God knew I mentally would have had a nervous breakdown if not. During her time at basic, the letters we received were so wonderful. She missed us and loved us,  more than she ever had. When it came time to attend her graduation, we loaded up our family and flew to San Antonio. I always say every civilian should attend atleast one. They really are one of the most beautiful displays of patriotism.  I was so moved, I almost enlisted myself...kidding.

Anyway, the first four years of the military mom coaster, were just that. There were so many ups and downs and twists and turns. It's honestly hard for me to even remember them. I had imagined wherever my child was, we would be with her. I never wanted to stop creating a life with her in it. What I didn't realize, is that the military prepares their soldiers for that separation. They become their family and you are just there for support. 

My grandma always said the only Christmas she had to spend without my dad (prior to him passing), was when he was away in Germany in the Army. I never realized why that holiday was so impactful to her that she said that statement often. That was until, I had to spend her first birthday with my own child away. Next came Christmas, followed by Easter, and years of missed memories. I get emotional just thinking about them. I try to put on a show for the little ones, but  honestly my heart aches and can't really see the purpose in celebrating without all of our children here.  It makes me have a new found respect for those who has physically lost a child.

As the first deployment came and went, I was thankful everyday for the fact that we weren't in an active war, and she was not in a "boots on the ground" position. My friends dad once shared with me, that he and his three brothers all went to Vietnam at the same time. None of his friends made it home from that violent place, but all three of them did. He often felt guilty that he had survived, but accredited their reunion to the fact that he had a momma who hit her knees every hour of every day. His mom's story has been my inspiration throughout my simple journey. I don't know how mentally she made it through. It just speaks volumes of the unspeakable peace that can only come from God.

I shared all of that with you to share this, above are all the things we talk about. But there is so much more that goes into this walk that we don't share. Being a military parent is both a blessing and a curse.  From a wounded childhood, I am unable to express my emotions, unless I am praying. However, I still feel them. Because I am a hypersensitive person, I feel ALL of them. There are nights when I couldn't locate my soldier, and I honestly didn't want to live through them. Others, that I just wanted to take something to sleep so I could numb the worry running rampant in my mind. There are holidays when I left every tradition I built with my children, to run away and not feel the emptiness without her here. And days when I just had to get up, dress the part, and show up although my soul was weeping. There are moments when I just wanted someone, anyone to care and support us. To ask how she was. To ask me how I was surviving. 

Truth is, this journey isn't easy...and I am not strong. We don't share these hidden parts and battles for fear of being judged. I feel like this does such a disservice to those who follow the path we've already walked. I can't imagine where I would be without God holding me and guiding me through.

So here's to all of you mothers who have to wear that same military momma hat, or those who fight battles with their children we know nothing about. We don't realize how much we need God and how big he is, until he becomes our only resource. When we cannot protect our children from their own choices and their pain, God can. Never stop hitting the floor and praying for them. You never know what giant you are battling in your prayer closet...If God saved my friends dad and his siblings  out of Vietnam, he will do the same for our children regardless of where they are...physically, mentally, and spiritually.

And when we face our own battles as mommas back here on the home front, when we are weak and don't think we can walk another step, we must allow God to carry us.

~MY grace is sufficient for thee: for MY strength is made perfect in weakness♡