I know I speak of my childhood often. Mostly because it has shaped every aspect of my life this far. Everything I went through, suppressed, or overcame has sculpted the person I am today.
Growing up there wasn’t much I didn’t have to fight for. Whether that was to simply be heard or which cereal bowl I ate with that morning for breakfast. I fought to wear clothes that my mom hadn’t picked out for me. I fought with girls at school for mostly no reason. I fought many unnecessary battles, and many that were life sustaining. I went to war with young men and escaped abuse, more than once. And with many family members to just advocate for me.
I learned to fight for myself, even if I was the only one in my corner.
A fighter then.
A fighter still.
I once couldn’t obtain my drivers license by law, because I was 17, married to a spouse under 21, and didn’t have a parent to sign for me. Needless to say, I had to support my child, so I drove anyway. Then the opportunity presented itself, to write my state governor and express to him how some people fall between the lines of the law. Did you know, he wrote me back stating I was able to use his letter to get my drivers license? The ladies at the BMV, weren’t too thrilled with that letter. But it taught me a great lesson…never take no for an answer….and NEVER stop fighting!
And I haven’t.
When the doctors told me at 21, that I would never have kids. I fought to have them!
When my mom told me all of the things I would never be, I fought to become them!
And the list goes on. Every single day…every single moment…fighting to win every situation that’s before me.
Until recently, I’ve learned there are things that I have absolutely no control over. The more I try to fight against or with them, the worse they become. I’ve learned that I am limited, in so many ways. I’ve had to understand there are going to be situations I cannot fix. Battles I am unable to engage in, or win.
That’s where God shows up. I can allow Him to fight for me. He is unlimited. He can perform miracles, that I cannot. He can move in ALL things…in ALL ways!
At the end of myself, is where His strength begins.
And now I can rest.
Knowing He will never stop fighting for me.
