We often hear the phrase "God's timing is perfect," when we miss a deadly car accident by a matter of minutes, or meet a kindred spirit that God knew were going to need in our future. But what about those tragic moments that we endure, the ones that are heavy, the traumatizing ones our minds play over and over? How do we find God's perfection in those?
Three different times as a child I answered the door to different women who had been beaten. Three beautiful, strong woman standing on our front steps bleeding, crying, and begging to use our phone. I still see their blood stains on the concrete, and their battered faces, like it was yesterday.
After an extremely violent fight with my mom, my dad flew out of the house to try and escape, my mom stood on that front porch and launched a porcelain statue at his car as he was driving away. He stopped in the street put it in reverse and pulled right back in the driveway. Fearing his wrath, she quickly locked every door. Forbidding us to answer. He banged on the front and when he couldn't get in, he ran around back, punched through the window of the door, and unlocked it. Just as he did, blood literally shot in every direction. He had cut the main artery in his arm. No sooner than the door turned, he crashed onto our kitchen floor. He was laying there in a pool of his own blood, and I was just standing there screaming. My dad barely survived, and the huge stain on our floor, was a constant reminder of it.
Last week, there was an unexpected knock on my door. Because of the things I have witnessed, my heart instantaneously prepared for the worst. There stood one of the sweetest little girls I've ever known, crying, telling me that her dad was hurt. I couldn't have known what was to follow, though it felt all too familiar.
I don't understand why I've had to witness pain in so many faces. I cannot comprehend why my porches have held so much pain. I can only have faith that God knew those people needed what was on the other side of my door....the God that's inside me.
All situations, I wish I would have never had to witness. Still, fully trusting they are all part of his ultimate plan. Imperfect timing for me, yet perfect to him.
